vanessaconkle

3 months and I have not lost any weight…I have not gained any weight either though, so there is that. Time to design a more vigorous exercise regiment

Our 10 year anniversary is in July 2014, all I have to do is lose 1 pound per month to weigh my lifetime ideal goal of 115, this is nothing. There is a $650 Renaissance red dress I want for the renewal of our vows that can be custom made. I want 36-24-36 (though the website I cant wait to buy a dress from, Unique Vintage, sells Medium dresses with the measurements of 36-27-39 so I could deal with that)

Feeling a little disjointed, at work, on my previous team, I was the youngest I was the prettiest, not anymore, it has made me feel like I dont know my place, I dont know what role I am supposed to play. But it has inspired me a little more, Today I weighed myself 8 times in a row till I got the scale to say what I wanted. Is that cheating?

Very successful, did my 30 min of exercise, and cut 300 calories (granola bar snack and after dinner snack) to see if I can do without it. I bought the most kick ass pants that are size 13 and dont quite fit but they look like they could be from Hot Topic but they were only $6 (Motivation: Post a picture once they fit) Yesterday a biker dude complimentd me at Frys, and I felt nothing, I could not feel the compliment because I am only aware of how I feel about me, and its not good I dont fit the image of myself I have in my head (I need to lose at least 15 pounds before I am even comfortable again) I have a beautiful dress to wear to my friends birthday party in August. I am going to lose 15 pounds by then. It effects how I act, I am not being social they have even noticed it at work. I miss myself, my old self.

Again. So the 5 pounds I lost have been gained back, I have my exercise plan, I have my eating plan, this is not hard, this is all mental, I have my clothes all lined out divided in 10 pound sections, I bought another pair of pants today that are gorgeous and dont yet quite fit, so I am down to the 5 pair of pants I have that I can wear to work. This is the tough part, get back down 15 pounds and I will at least feel good about myself for the rest of the weight loss. I have a 2 year plan, thats half a pound per week, this is not hard, I have this under control…

I took a vacation day from work and came home to lay in bed all day, this resulted in my eating pretty much the entire bag of chips. I dont know why but I am so happy in bed watching beautiful people (Melrose Place, lets not speak of it again) and letting myself eat whatever I want, even at this moment, I want donuts and cupcakes. Its the same reason why I like to go shopping all at once, this feeling of no limits, like I can let myself spend or eat anything I like, for a little while I feel like there is nothing I want that I cant have. Ever since the week of Thanksgiving I have kinda lost it, I have still tried, but my motivation has taken a hit. I feel lazy and hungry

So I was not doing so well the beginning of this month for some reason, doing everything the same, but not losing any weight. Well I met this new guy friend at work and just based on that interaction I bumped my exercise from 15 min a day to 45 and sometimes forgot to eat dinner (though I still had my 2 snacks) I had not lost any weight in 2 weeks and then lost 2 pounds this week. I just want to lose 2 more before Thanksgiving. I have to lose 7 more pounds till I can pull out like 20 pairs of pants, I am a little anxious to get there I am sick of wearing the same 8 pairs of pants, 4 of which I cant stand.

So as I am adjusting to my new work schedule, which allows me more time at home in the evenings and thus more time to eat, I discovered that the best way to get my mind off of food is to try on clothes!

I picked out all the clothes I want to wear for the events till the end of the year and imagined how much better they will look once I have lost another 10 pounds and I didnt want to eat anymore!

So we played with the camcorder last night and I watched it back this morning…Its a little worse than I thought. I never thought I photographed well but I really dont look like myself and I look more self-conscious. I filmed my whole naked body today also, so the parts that need the most work are lower stomach and back of the thighs. My face looks fat. These first few months till Jan (160) will be the hardest. I tried on my new years dress today and I can get it on so that makes me happy, at least I will be able to wear it if I lose my 12 pounds. Just got to get through these next few months. I worked so hard about 8 years ago to get to 135 and I swore I would never let myself go again, but one divorce and tons of ice cream later and I just lost all motivation. And now I have to work for it all over again.

So I love the food journal on here, I was getting a little impatient and thats when I fail. All I have to do is make that number on the food journal -500, thats all I have to do and I will lose 1 pound every week. I watch like 3 movies a day, if I work out 10 min during each thats 30 min of exercise, its all about habit. I made a calendar showing what I will weigh every week next year if I can keep that number at -500, with stars next to special occasions and the outfit I want to wear and next to the weight I can get into the clothes I have set aside. I should weigh 115 by November 22, 2009. Now that date will come one way or another so all I have to do is wait for it and exercise during my movies I am going to watch anyway and keep that number at -500.

Small goals:

Christmas/New Years - 160 to wear this long red velvet strapless dress and my strapless black leather dress

Jan 18- my birthday 158 I have 19 pairs of pants hanging in my closet that I will be able to fit into

Mar 22 - Renaissance Fair - 150 Wear my sisters $300 belly dancing skirt and another pile of clothes I have been saving

May 3 - 145 - My sisters birthday and we go major clothes shopping

May 31 - 140 Start summer with my clothes I have not been able to wear for 6 years

Aug 11- My husbands birthday (our anniversary is 7/30 also) 130 - The clothes I have always had but never been able to wear!! Like a very short plaid goth schoolgirl skirt

Oct 31 - 120 Halloween!!! Moulin Rouge costume!! HUGE shopping trip, hoping to be a size 6, brand new wardrobe.

Nov 22 - 115 Actually 120 is my goal but I set it at 115 because at the doctors I weigh more plus then after a bad day or in the middle of the day I will not see the scale above 120